And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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