Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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