If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
