my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
