So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
