sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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