Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
love makes seman taste better
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize