you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
