I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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