Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
