I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
