We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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