I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
