hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
