You made me cry and you don't even care
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
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Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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