the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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