you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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