they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
