oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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