If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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