He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
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