i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
