I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
So squirting runs in the family.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
