I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
