dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
