She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
