His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
