I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
