My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Randomize