Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
well you can't waste a boner
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
