I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
