I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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