wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
