Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
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In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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