New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
