I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Duck Duck Cougar?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
