Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
