i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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