Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize