brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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