she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
