So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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