D3 body, D1 cock
1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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