If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
you had me at cake vodka
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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