My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
