I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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