Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Randomize
