Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
