do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
