Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
