A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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