Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
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She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
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the night was just a blur of sex and pie
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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