Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
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its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
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She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask