I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.