cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?