Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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