If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
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When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
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All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure