I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear