I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize