I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
