alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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