New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
