the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
