I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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