Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
