the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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